So you want to build an abomb

Before you send me email requsting information on construction plans for nuclear explosives, please ask yourself the following important questions. Having your answers prepared in advance will help us not process your request more effectively:

  1. Have I carefully considered the consequences of becoming a nuclear power?
  2. Do I have sufficient storage and delivery systems for a nuclear device (e.g., missile silos, underground train units, orbiting space platforms, room in the attic)?
  3. How many nuclear devices would I like? (Discounts for orders over 20.)
  4. Do I prefer the devices in white, gray, or mango?
  5. Will I be using the nuclear device for good or for evil?
  6. Will having a nuclear device help me become the best me I can be?
  7. Why must I live a life of useless spam?
If you feel confident that your answers to these questions meet the requirements of NSA regulations regarding private ownership of a nuclear device, then by all means, send us your email! We'll be happy to delete it instantly, without even looking at it, and shake our heads condescendingly at your foolishness while we do so. Thank you for your cooperation.